Primal day one

I've read books. I've googled. I've researched the last few days..
I think I'm ready.
I won't be able to commit totally to Paleo eating..
being a vegetarian..
I'm ok with that..

even mostly eating the natural way.. I should see results

so..

weigh in today
160
ugh!
that's up five and a half pounds from just a few weeks ago..

see??

this is why I'm desperate!


I've got my egg "omelet" ready to make for brekky

I've got my fruits n veggies ready to eat for snacks

I've got my broccoli slaw salad for lunch (with almonds)

I've got my water bottle right -----> here!

I am ready!

no more junk!!

so disappointed in myself

I haven't been following weight watchers.
I have given up.
again.

the news that Jessica Simpson is getting paid MILLIONS to lose weight with the plan, seriously discouraged me.
I have been struggling to pay them every month.
I have been struggling to lose weight with them, every week.
and for them to pay a celeb millions for something that they probably wont really use.. I mean, they have trainers, personal chefs.. etc..
it bums me out.

I've gained six pounds over the last few weeks.

I feel like shit.

literally

my body hurts.

my blood feels sick..

my hubs is having issues with me working out every night..
so I stopped.

I haven't worked out in three days..at least

before that, it was once or twice for the week.

I am back to my sluggish, fat self.

yesterday, I could barely function
my muscles wouldn't listen to my brain.
I actually took a nap.
I never do that!

then hubs says..
I can see that you feel like crap.
maybe you should get back to the gym

ya think?

the issue is trying to balance my family time with my me time.

if I didn't have to be at work most of the day.. it would work.

*sigh*

so.
I am thinking of quitting weight watchers.. I can't afford to pay them for something I can do on my own.

I feel guilty.
I was close to getting lifetime. but it was taking tooooo long. and that didn't seem to matter to them. they get their money. I suppose that's what really mattered.
I might rejoin later on, but in the mean time.. I need a new plan.

my girly Alex at my green fat pants is going to try Paleo..

I might give that some consideration.
I've seen it everywhere..
but not eating meat... It could be really hard, right?

guessssss whaaaat???

I frekin did it!!!!

30 pounds total with Weight Watchers!!

a whoppin 60 pounds all together!!!

seriously.. kids.. I almost cried when I got that damn sticker!
I wanted it sooo bad..

I've got 13 pounds to go to reach my goal weight..

oh yeah..
I'm on my way kids..
whoop whoop!!

doing good

yesterday was totally crazy!
I felt like a taxi cab service :)

had to leave work early to go to kidling number 2's school play.. she rocked!
after the play.. had to drive kidling number 1 to drill
then to dance
then back to kidling number 2's second play
then to pick up kidling number one and run to the rec center to squeeeeeze in a quick workout..

whew!

I had a small salad and a small baked potato for dinner..
not too bad..

I was pretty proud of myself yesterday..

today...
feeling pretty good so far..

breakfast
half a flat bread
egg whites
half a small potato (made into little hashbrowns)
slice of mango
 mmmmm

snack..
cream of wheat
cottage cheese

I can't wait till lunch..
I'm going to make a watermelon, strawberry smoothie with almond milk
with a little salad to go with it :)

mmmmmm

hurry lunchtime!!!

this weekend is Mother's day
I'm going to make a biiiiig mistake and make some cupcakes for the mommy in law..
I am going to send them allllll to their house..
german chocolate and mint chocolate..
ugh!
what am I thinking?

I know I am doing good with things.. so I think I will allow myself to have a couple cupcakes and not feel guilty for it.
I deserve it.
we have to have treats once in a while, or we will implode.. right?

just make sure I have my date with the treadmill, staimachine and weight room!

nummy breakfast

I started the Jamie Eason's Livefit plan I found on bodybuilding.com today:

isn't she darling?

I just had to take a pic of my yummy and healthy breakfast!

today..

breakfast (4 ww's p+)
half a flat bread
egg whites
slice of avacado
two pieces of "soy bacon"

it was actually pretty good and I'm not starving yet :)


snack (3 ww's p+)
cream of wheat
banana

lunch (5 ww's P+)
cottage cheese
salad
green beans

snack (6 ww's p+)
protein shake

dinner.. to be determined (5 ww's P+)
after dinner snack.. something yummy I'm sure (a few ww's p+)


the plan is eat every three or so hours.. small.. HEALTHY meals.. hit weight training hard and voila! 12 weeks, I'll be hawt!  aaaannnddd... It goes pretty well with Weight Watchers.. lots of power foods.. I am staying within my points plus limit.. woohoo!

it seems pretty simple and doable for me...
I will try to post plans and updates more than before. I really want this to work!

Happy Early mommy's day to me

Loooook what my darling, amazing, caring, awesome hubby got me!!!

oh yeah, A Schwinn Beach Cruiser.
he luvs me yanno?

I also got a new purse.. big enough to carry my lil pink gun in!! :)

oh.. check this out..

I'm still workin out.. yup.
alot..
I am going to get that five pound star this week if it kills me..
seriously!

I am less than a pound away. I can do it. I'm aiming for more.. maybe two pounds.. it's about time I aim for a bigger goal!! :)

I am still going to run a half marathon in July..


My teenage rockstar is awesome.. she's going to keep us busy, that girl.
she is almost done with her competition dance season.. and just made the High School Drill team! practices start tonight.. every night.. two a days in summer.
she rocks!

then the little one.. is the lead in the school play this Thursday..
she's going to sign up for dance now.. she loves being active too!!

ahhh.. I luv my kiddos.
I do!

six months

This is getting real people!

It has been six months since I've plateaued...
SIX months people!
 I feel like a failure
seriously
big fat failure
I've let myself down
I've let my kids down
I've let my hubby down

I say I have been "trying" to lose this last bit (big bit) of weight for months, but have I really been trying?
my mind and heart say no
that is hard to hear myself say
harder to let you read

I get comments almost daily
"you've lost so much weight"
"you are getting so skinny"
"what are you doing, you look great"

etc..

I smile and say thanks
but in my head I tell myself.. I still have a loooong way to go.
I still see myself as the fat person
the 215 pound person

I see the fat.
I see the flab.
I see the jiggles.
I feel the insecurity.

maybe that is why I am stuck
I still believe I am that person

I have lost almost 60 pounds, 159 to be exact.
I still have 25-30 to go before I will truly be happy with the scale number.
I know I won't be happy with that
The mental aspect is what's stopping me I believe.
I have come pretty far
I know that.
it has been super slow and really hard
but I've done it so far
I just haven't been able to accept that.

Everyone I know is proud of me.

I am not proud of myself.

yet.

I know I say, I need to try harder, I will stick with this or that and I never follow through.
I've given up.
but I haven't given up.
make sense?

I know I have to accept what I've accomplished and be happy with it in order to move forward.

*sigh*

maybe I need a therapist.
a hypnotist
a personal trainer
a personal chef

ugh.

I just need to keep going.
I will not give up.

ick

I've been so super busy lately I haven't had time to breathe.. mkay.. maybe a lil inhaling..exhaling..

I was .2 away from getting my next 5# sticker.. which would be 30#'s..
until..
Vacation..
four days of fun.. hiking.. driving.. eating crap..
no exercise..
I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning..
up ten pounds.
seriously.
ten pounds in four days?
wtf?!

so..
I'm going to try my hardest to get back down.
I hate myself right now.
I have fought so hard to reach this goal.. and to be so close then throw it all away. It's very discouraging.

I know the vacation was worth it. We needed a break.
but I didn't need to eat all those treats and snacks.

*sigh*
I am so ticked at myself.

but it is what it is.
the damage is done.
now I have to pick myself up and move on.
I hope I learned my lesson. and thank the goddess we don't go on many vacations!

still here

I'm still kickin..
not kick ass.. but just kickin..
I am stalled.
seriously plateaued people

help me!!!!!

I've been battling the same two pounds for six months now.. or more.. this is stupid. really really stupid.

I have decided Weight Watchers may be giving me too much "freedom". I am going to combine it with Sparkpeople. I think I need to see my actual calories, in and out.
I am going to bump up my protein with shakes and other things.. not too much a vegetarian can use.. specially one that doesn't care for tofu...

I went to a body tone class and was literally sore all over for a week. I need to do this every week.
I am going to mix up my workouts. I am pumping up my weight training.

I can do this! I have a plan. I am writing it down. I am sticking it to my fridge. I am going to get past this @#$#@$%$#%^& and start moving down.
I can taste my goal. My blood, sweat and tears are worth it!

check this out

I found this lil thing on my new polar.. it is tracking my totals!
so.. from my first workout.. 2/17/12

 41 hours of exercise!!

 check out the calorie total!! woot!

pretty cool huh?