I survived

I finished the half marathon. Faster than I thought I would actually. I finished in 3:36, which is super awesome for me. I had a running buddy that helped keep me going. I jogged more than I anticipated. I only thought I was going to die a few times, but kicked myself in the arse and kept going.

It was a great day. I was super sore for about four days after, but it was worth it, Just to know I finished. And I WASN"T last!!! I was 6th in my age group. There weren't very many in my group, but still.

Till next time.

The countdown begins

I signed up for another half marathon in April. April 4th to be exact. Three weeks from today I will be running, jogging, walking my way through 13.1 miles. Mostly walking I'm sure since my school schedule has left me no time to train or get ready. I will push through the pain, the blood sweat and most definitely tears, just to get to that finish line.
I am up several pounds since the last half I ran and I know that will make a huge impact on my endurance. But the organizers have graciously allowed me to start up to an hour before the race officially begins. Helz yah!
So my countdown begins.. 21 days..
Let's do this!

peek a boo

anyone here?

I am stealing a second in the computer lab to update my blogs.. just in case I still have followers..

that is after wiping away the drool from the five seconds of sleep I got..
hope no one heard me snore..

still going to school. five days a week.
working. graves. five nights a week.
I'm tired.
I haven't had me time.
time to workout.
I have been able to do one crossfit class that our rec center offered every saturday for the last five weeks. only missing one or two..
but no time in between to do more workouts.
which I'm sad about.
my schedule will calm down soon. I hope.
it is super hard to get to the gym when you get four to five hours of sleep every other day.
I'm afraid I'll faceplant on a treadmill.
not worth it.

I will make more time soon though. I hope. To blog.
I miss it.
I miss you guys.
If your still here, that is.

Happy Halloween!

teensy tiny change

Like .4 down.
eh
whatevs

It's been a stressful week.. that's why I haven't posted.
excuses, I know

but we just found out our company got sold to a huge company for a shit-ton of money. like over a billion dollars.
what?

so I may or may not have a job in a month or two.

Halloween didn't help.
we did not get one single trick or treator.
not one.
I was sad.
so sad.

we're seriously broke due to being scrambling to pay off the last of the bills to get qualified for our home.

my sis lives on Long Island. she still has no power. but her kids are safe and warm with the inlaws
she is doing pretty good. kept me updated so I didn't worry too much bout her.


stress?
pfft

what are ya gonna do?

I haven't really thought about the challenge, I apologize for that.

this week?

hmm..

I think I need to be more mindful about what I am putting in my mouth.
Halloween candy made me sick
treats made me sick
I need to stop making myself sick

I need to get back on my plan of no less processed food.
I truly feel better when I am not eating "fake" food.

I need to remember that!
every day.
every meal
every snack

I am going to make myself some lil reminders. on my phone, on my fridge, sticky notes.. you know. just so I don't forget I don't like feeling like poo.

so.
try to think about what you are actually eating.
is it going to make you feel good or bad?
is it going to fuel your body or just make your brain happy for a second?

Happy November!

I feel like a loser

and not in a good way
I've gained
I'm not saying how much. because I actually don't know.

I'm avoiding the scale.
like the plague.
seriously.

I can't even bring myself to turn it on.

I suck

I need to pull my head outta my arse

I know I said before I was going to do better.
well
I lied
to you
to myself
to my family

I am a failure

I have no excuses

none

I've ate crap
every day
I hate it
totally hate it
it really does taste like crap
I feel guilty for even eating it
but I continue to do so
why?

no clue!

just habit I suppose
and lazyness
I would love to blame my family
but I am the one doing the shopping

I am the one putting the shit in my own mouth

*sigh*

I feel fat
I feel like shit
I feel like a failure

I am going to slowly get back on track.
yep.
I said slowly
I can't expect myself to turn around overnight.
I didn't fall off my plan overnight.
it took a few days


life happens
I will deal
but I had to let you all know how much I suck
I am only hurting myself, I know, but I feel like I let you down too.
and that sucks big time!


but on a happy note..

me n the hubs celebrated our 16 year anniversary

yeah
I
know
16 years

 yeah
I am actually wearing a dress.. I had to go buy one because our date was to dress up and go out. it was a blast. we went to see Hotel Transylvania. yep. a cartoon. it rocked!

 he luvs me!

and our baby girl. her homecoming dress. isn't she darling?
yeah. I love to brag bout her.

Bleckkk

this weekend was a bust.

Pizza (one piece) aaaand salad to make it even out

ice cream cone

popcorn (twice) at the movies... once during Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter (eh.. it was ok) and once during Magic Mike.. again.. eh. it was ok.
ok..
Channing Tatum is my favorite. He is soooo pretty!
and such an amazing dancer. yum!
the movie was blah except for the half naked mens.. mmmmm

uh hem

where was I?

oh yeah..
food.

I did have a wrap at the movie theatre.. lots of lettuce, tomatoes and some onion in there.. but there was also a tortilla.. not too horrible, no?


I didn't do so good this weekend sticking to Paleo. or crossfit.
just no time..

that's where the planning comes in.
I need more time to plan, plot, and prepare. yep.

can someone do that for me?

but this week is back on track.
got all stocked up on paleo friendly foods
going to cut n chop up to be ready to grab


here we go.

Primal day one

I've read books. I've googled. I've researched the last few days..
I think I'm ready.
I won't be able to commit totally to Paleo eating..
being a vegetarian..
I'm ok with that..

even mostly eating the natural way.. I should see results

so..

weigh in today
160
ugh!
that's up five and a half pounds from just a few weeks ago..

see??

this is why I'm desperate!


I've got my egg "omelet" ready to make for brekky

I've got my fruits n veggies ready to eat for snacks

I've got my broccoli slaw salad for lunch (with almonds)

I've got my water bottle right -----> here!

I am ready!

no more junk!!

slacking

yup.
you guessed it.
I'm slacking again.

I can't help it.
bronchitis slowed me wayyyy down..
I haven't felt like cooking.
I haven't felt like exercising. although I did a few times and didn't pass out from no oxygen. yay!

Last night I made asparagus for the first time ever!
I didn't take a pic.. cuz I burned it a lil.
it was still good. I think.
I've never had it, so I think it was ok.
maybe next time I won't burn it.

I gained .8
ugh!
not too bad considering.

This week I am trying the protein shakes at lunch. along with a salad.
a bowl of cereal (raisin bran) for b-fast
some fruit n veggies for snacks
lots of water.
back to exercise.
hopefully I can get my stinkin 5 pound star I've been not working on for months!
seriously. since November!
that is stupid. seriously stupid.
I can't lose five pounds in three months?
what is wrong with me??

I've been gaining and losing the same three pounds since October.
I need a change.
and I need it NOW!

off to work I go!
I am going to be on plan and watch what I eat and my exercise so well this week, you won't know what happened!
:)

What a bummer and a month with no fast food?

 the hubs gave me his ipod touch.. I handed mine down to my teenager..and so on..
but I had the awesome Nike+ app.. so I could use the pedometer, the workout tracker thinkabajig.. and sync it on my puter..
it was awesome!

but the new Ipod touch.. doesn't have it!
well.. it does.. but I have to buy

this..

which is around $20
I don't really mind.. but I really have to have one for the app to even start..
I wanted to go make a few playlists for running, walking, ellipticalling, stairmastering.. etc..
but it wont let me do that.. ugh!

boo!

 anyone know where I can get a Nike + sensor for cheap.. free is better!

Me n the hunkaman hubs decided we would go a whole month with no fast food. none.
this may sound easy for most people. but we have all kinds of excuses for eating out.
I get busy and don't always have time to cook dinner.
I haven't had time to get to the grocery store for lunches..
I'm lazy..
etc..

 after a meltdown from the youngest daughter for not buying her mcd's.. seriously.. there were tears and lots of crying..
yeah.. over food..
fast food.
crap.

we decided to be the parents.
and no fast food
for a month.

it's gonna be hard.. but worth it
to show my kids
they can be healthy
and eat yummy food at home
and I am going to be challenged to cook.
every day
ugh!

wish us luck

we'll need it!

oh..one more thing..
would it be weird to ask a fellow (yes a total stranger) gym goer.. who looks totes like she knows what she's doing.. (I'm talking bodybuilding championship trophies here) to help me out some?
think she'd freak?

Damage control

ok so first I have to say how disappointed I am in our justice system. Poor Caylee.. ugh..
that's all I have to say about that.
It totally breaks my heart and makes me sad that her mother got away with murder.

anyways..

I had a bad (horrible) weekend.
It was a blast, but I ate crap.
alot of crap.
I managed to only gain a couple pounds though, so I am off to a good start for the damage control.
I tried to eat right.
I really did
but all the goodies over the holiday begged me to eat them.
so I nibbled some.
I tasted some..
I drank alot.
water too.. lol
I went on a hike for a couple hours.

with the kidlets.
I played badminton
I went to the gym a couple times.
I played alllll day yesterday at Boondocks ( A local family fun center) idk.. it might be national.

that's where I got in trouble.
I had ice cream
with toppings
and yanno..
I didn't let it make me feel guilty.
that's a good thing.
I didn't hate myself after having a treat.

it was the whole weekend of treats that bug me.
so
I'm picking myself up and wiping myself off and starting over with a fresh week (few days) until weigh in.
I will be good the rest of the week. That's the deal I made with myself. sometimes it is just too much to "eat right" allll the time. yanno?

so.. this week. I am going to "cram" good stuff in.
totally double time the exerciseness and water..

I'll be back in a bit with more goodies

unlucky me?

I feel like it today.
the unluckiest person.. evah!

not really. but life has a way of getting me down sometimes.

I am again entering the fitblogger challenge. at first I wanted to win the Mytrak. sooo bad. Ok. well I still do. and have entered every week save the two my dad passed..
But seriously.. I have been a good girl, haven't I? don't I deserve to win. something?

k..
whinefest over.

back to life.
I made it to the gym two days in a row.
Yoga then an elliptical stint.
I felt great!

Yesterday..
a 40 minute jog. Where I jogged-the-whole-time!
woot!!

fantabulous!

I am working on getting back on track this week.
I managed to gain almost three pounds back in the last two weeks.
I've given myself a break.. Weight Watcher's has given me a break.

Now.. it's time to get myself back.

a plan..

I am going to just hop back into my old routine.
my two-a-days..
a short workout during work at the gym..

then a longer more intense workout at the gym after. or.. sometimes before dinner..

I got tons of fruit and veggies.. I spent half an hour or so last night cutting them all up and getting them "grab ready"

so..
I'm prepared to do well this week.

for the most part, dad's stuff is taken care of.
The apartment is cleaned out.
just have the few little boxes of items to sort and mail.

not bad.

so..

here's to a great week!

a page from the past

I was sorting out some papers I had kept in a binder. I call it my "diet binder"
It was full of a "diet" I tried last September. Well... started the beginning of October and lasted about six weeks.
I peeked at the first page, where it made me write down how much I weighed and how big my tummy was. OMG seriously! gross!!

But.. It said. 191 pounds. Sick I know.
And my waist was 39 1/2 inches. Talk about diesel tire!

I was really shocked. Since then.. I've lost 15 pounds and 3 1/2 inches from my waist.
Woot!

I think the holidays messed that number up somehow.. but since joining WW's I've lost 7.8 pounds. Not too shabby..
I have finally started listening to my body. Really listening.
I don't have to have that cupcake after dinner. I don't have to constantly snack on chips or candy while watching tv.
To be honest. I rarely watch tv anymore. I leave that job to the hunkaman.
I am usually at the gym getting sweaty.
I love working out. I might even be addicted. Yeah. I said that.

I can feel my muscles getting stronger. I can actually see some of them under all the fluff. Exciting!

I have tracked every single bite of food I ate since joining WW's. It isn't always pretty, but I am making the effort to keep myself from ever getting back to my heaviest weight. I am actually scared of it.

I can tell you. I have had the urge (several times) to just eat the whole box of cookies in the cupboard. I really wanted to buy some boxes of chocolates that were on sale after V-day. I soooooo wanted them!
But I got ahold of myself and remembered that I am worth all this hard work.
My hunkaman even mentioned the other day.. "your face is getting thinner, I like it."
Aaaahhh.. I kinda like him.

He is so supportive of me losing weight and exercising like a mad woman. Because, he told me, it is hard to be attracted to a fat girl. He is honest this way. And maybe a few years ago, it would have hurt my feelings. But yanno.. It didn't. Because I know I'm fat. and I am not attracted to me. so why would I expect him to be?
I know he loves me. No doubt about that. This is not about being shallow or a man. He was just honest. I appreciate that.

But I have struggled with being overweight, at times morbidly obese, for years. I hate it!
I made a commitment to myself. I can be "me" again! and I will be!

Yeah. I know. That was a lot of rambling and emotional stuff. But I had to say it. :)

Have a great day!