Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I have to love myself

That is the main point I have been struggling with.
I allowed myself to gain at least 100 pounds since high school. Ok that was 15ish years ago, but still..
it crept up on my fat ass..
Mostly I am blaming kidlet number one. The dr told me to eat. So I did.
I was 18. I was 100 pounds.
What did I care?

Oh man, if I could go back and re-do all that damage I did to myself back then.
You bet your ass I would.
In a heartbeat.

Ok.. so since then..
kidlet number two managed to make me eat more. totally her fault too :)

So I was over 200 pounds last year. Gross I know! I seriously felt (still kinda do) like an oompa loompa
Not cute.

I have lost 35 pounds since then, but I still have body issues.
The ginormous mirrors in the fitness class room doesn't help either.
I can see all the fit, cute little teeny boppers or trophy mom's sweating it up next to me. I feel bad.
I feel like my belly fat is going to consume me.

I get comments all the time.. "are you losing weight?"  "you look great" blah blah..
It feels so good at the time. I smile. I bounce down the hall. and by the time I get back to my seat or where I was going.. The good feeling is gone.

My hubby even says he is starting to notice I am looking better.
I still feel like the 215 pound woman on the inside.
When does this stop?

I am making my goal this year to lose at least another 35 pounds, but I will still be overweight. In all reality I need to lose 50+ more.
That is depressing.
So depressing.

Weight Watchers is helping.
A ton!
I just have to remember to love myself. I am worth all this effort.

And thanks to Sally's awesome post I will probably never eat KFC again.. Not that I loved it in the first place.. My fav was the coleslaw and mashed potatoes.. but still ACK!! lol

It is a long hard journey to lose weight. I know I didn't put it on overnight. But I am not the most patient person in the world. I want it gone NOW!

Have a great day!!

1 comment:

Marisa @ Loser for Life said...

You are so right - losing weight is a long hard journey. But, a worthwhile one! You have to be in it for the long haul and know that it won't happen overnight. Don't look too far into the future (cuz it does seem too overwhelming/depressing); just focus on one day at a time. You can do it! You're worth it :)