I have to love myself

That is the main point I have been struggling with.
I allowed myself to gain at least 100 pounds since high school. Ok that was 15ish years ago, but still..
it crept up on my fat ass..
Mostly I am blaming kidlet number one. The dr told me to eat. So I did.
I was 18. I was 100 pounds.
What did I care?

Oh man, if I could go back and re-do all that damage I did to myself back then.
You bet your ass I would.
In a heartbeat.

Ok.. so since then..
kidlet number two managed to make me eat more. totally her fault too :)

So I was over 200 pounds last year. Gross I know! I seriously felt (still kinda do) like an oompa loompa
Not cute.

I have lost 35 pounds since then, but I still have body issues.
The ginormous mirrors in the fitness class room doesn't help either.
I can see all the fit, cute little teeny boppers or trophy mom's sweating it up next to me. I feel bad.
I feel like my belly fat is going to consume me.
Literally.

I get comments all the time.. "are you losing weight?"  "you look great" blah blah..
It feels so good at the time. I smile. I bounce down the hall. and by the time I get back to my seat or where I was going.. The good feeling is gone.

My hubby even says he is starting to notice I am looking better.
I still feel like the 215 pound woman on the inside.
When does this stop?

I am making my goal this year to lose at least another 35 pounds, but I will still be overweight. In all reality I need to lose 50+ more.
That is depressing.
So depressing.

Weight Watchers is helping.
A ton!
I just have to remember to love myself. I am worth all this effort.

And thanks to Sally's awesome post I will probably never eat KFC again.. Not that I loved it in the first place.. My fav was the coleslaw and mashed potatoes.. but still ACK!! lol

It is a long hard journey to lose weight. I know I didn't put it on overnight. But I am not the most patient person in the world. I want it gone NOW!

:)
Have a great day!!