Thursday, February 24, 2011

a page from the past

I was sorting out some papers I had kept in a binder. I call it my "diet binder"
It was full of a "diet" I tried last September. Well... started the beginning of October and lasted about six weeks.
I peeked at the first page, where it made me write down how much I weighed and how big my tummy was. OMG seriously! gross!!

But.. It said. 191 pounds. Sick I know.
And my waist was 39 1/2 inches. Talk about diesel tire!

I was really shocked. Since then.. I've lost 15 pounds and 3 1/2 inches from my waist.

I think the holidays messed that number up somehow.. but since joining WW's I've lost 7.8 pounds. Not too shabby..
I have finally started listening to my body. Really listening.
I don't have to have that cupcake after dinner. I don't have to constantly snack on chips or candy while watching tv.
To be honest. I rarely watch tv anymore. I leave that job to the hunkaman.
I am usually at the gym getting sweaty.
I love working out. I might even be addicted. Yeah. I said that.

I can feel my muscles getting stronger. I can actually see some of them under all the fluff. Exciting!

I have tracked every single bite of food I ate since joining WW's. It isn't always pretty, but I am making the effort to keep myself from ever getting back to my heaviest weight. I am actually scared of it.

I can tell you. I have had the urge (several times) to just eat the whole box of cookies in the cupboard. I really wanted to buy some boxes of chocolates that were on sale after V-day. I soooooo wanted them!
But I got ahold of myself and remembered that I am worth all this hard work.
My hunkaman even mentioned the other day.. "your face is getting thinner, I like it."
Aaaahhh.. I kinda like him.

He is so supportive of me losing weight and exercising like a mad woman. Because, he told me, it is hard to be attracted to a fat girl. He is honest this way. And maybe a few years ago, it would have hurt my feelings. But yanno.. It didn't. Because I know I'm fat. and I am not attracted to me. so why would I expect him to be?
I know he loves me. No doubt about that. This is not about being shallow or a man. He was just honest. I appreciate that.

But I have struggled with being overweight, at times morbidly obese, for years. I hate it!
I made a commitment to myself. I can be "me" again! and I will be!

Yeah. I know. That was a lot of rambling and emotional stuff. But I had to say it. :)

Have a great day!

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